We all struggle with it at some point for many reasons. Our lack of Sex Ed and the shame we learn growing up affects us all. Whatever the reason, it makes it an unnecessarily awkward conversation. But when you master communication in the bedroom, it changes the game for your current and future sexual relationships.
Here are some tips on communicating with your sexual partner(s).
Learn What You Like First.
I cannot stress enough how important this is. This is arguably the most important tip. How are you meant to tell your partner(s) what gets you off if you don’t know yourself!
We were never taught or prepared for the pleasure part of sex when we are young, just biology. This means we end up learning through trial and error or porn.
The best way to tell your partner what you like is firstly working out what you like on your own and then either showing them or directing them in the bedroom – whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.
Awkward Is Okay.
Talking about sex can be super awkward if you’re not used to it. The media makes out talking about sex this hot and super easy thing, but it’s okay if you’re finding it hard.
You can get through it and the benefits are soo worth it. Own the awkward, laugh with it, it will bring you closer and I’m sure they’re feeling the same way.
Practice on your own first, do some research, there’s so much info out there that you can take from and make your own! The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Approach the conversation with a positive attitude. If you’re angry they forgot about your clit or didn’t touch the right places, maybe wait a bit and plan what you’re going to say without attacking them.
Reframe your mental approach and find a way of making it fun. No blaming, no complaining – try and be mindful.
Maybe you could ask them what they like or what gets them off to start with, then you can segway into saying your bit.
Talk Talk Talk.
Start communicating with who you are sleeping with from the beginning and do it often.
This can establish a norm from day dot and make it less of a big thing. The longer you leave it the more of a deal it becomes.
Have the conversation anytime. In the bedroom, over dinner, whatever makes you feel the most chill.
Once you get the hang of it, with any new partners, it fast tracks the working out what you both like from non-verbal cues. Then you can have hot, pleasure-filled sex.