It is very difficult to determine what someone is or isn’t capable of, regardless of whether you have met them in person or online, you have known them a long time or a short time. There are warning signs, however. Consent is absolutely key to exchanging nudes with someone so if you do not consent 100% then this is a red flag. You do not have to share nudes to make the interaction/relationship interesting, and being pressured is a big warning sign. 

If you consent and you are both happy to exchange nudes, set your boundaries and be clear about what you are and aren’t okay with. 

It is worth having a discussion about deleting photos once your relationship/interaction has ended. Obviously, a conversation in the early days is no guarantee for what someone will be like at the end of the relationship, but your partner’s reaction to this conversation might raise a red flag which suggests he/she/they aren’t someone trustworthy enough to exchange nudes with. 

Cropping your head or other identifying features (tattoos or piercings) out of the nude are a good way to protect your anonymity. Also be mindful that your home decor or anything in the background of the photo may be able to identify you, so it's sensible to opt for a plain background.

It is wise to think about what information you share along with your nudes, either intentionally or unintentionally. Your full name, the sports teams you play for, the area you live in, your social media handles, what schools/university you went to, your employment - these are all things that may come up quite innocently and casually while getting to know someone.

Just be aware that this information can be used to identify you online. Especially important in the early stages, think about who you are sharing this information with and how much you want to share with them at each stage of getting to know each other.

Please be careful about tagging your location and using your location services. It’s common for us to tag our location in social media posts and it’s even a necessary feature of online dating apps, where you find people close to you. You still need to be aware of who you are sharing your location with and that can potentially use that information against you.

At #NotYourPorn, we have seen many instances of perpetrators using a survivor’s location to harass them and to share non consensual content of them with people in their social and professional circles.Check your dating app profiles to make sure the location settings are ones that make you comfortable.

When posting on social media, if you want to tag your location there are a number of things you can do to stay safe. For example, post a few days after you’ve been to a place so people don’t know where you are in real-time, post general areas rather than specific places especially if they are places you go often or try not to tag places personal to you that can identify you (like your gym or your place of work) - especially if your profile is public. Remember you can also put your profile on private and be selective about who follows you.

Additionally, you should turn off your location features when taking nudes. Images can be traced back to their IP address, if you turn them off then your personal information is secure even if your image is later shared non consensually.

Think about what platform to use. Apps like WhatsApp, although encrypted and very safe from hacking, allow images to be downloaded, saved and shared without notifying you which poses a safety risk. Facebook and Instagram pose huge risks to your safety as these platforms are easily hackable because they aren’t very secure. It is also easy to save/download content without your knowledge. Therefore, they are not the best platforms to exchange nudes. SnapChat, although it has its own cloud feature, doesn’t automatically download your images and it notifies you when someone takes a screenshot.

Also, while using dating apps, look at their reporting policies for when you have been sent unsolicited nudes or you feel someone isn’t behaving respectfully. All of the major dating apps allow you to unmatch, report and block them.

When exchanging nudes, it is important to turn off iCloud and other automatic uploads/downloads. For example, iPhone users - to stop your iCloud account being hacked, it is a good idea to turn off automatic uploads to keep your nudes private on your device. Otherwise every picture you take is automatically stored in your iCloud account. If you have a shared Apple account it might also mean that your family members can accidentally access your nudes which would be less than ideal…

Voluntarily turning off automatic downloads is a good idea, like on WhatsApp. Ask your partner/lover to do the same to avoid having each others’ nudes stored on your phones.

Finally, many apps like SnapChat, Photo Vault and Apple’s Hidden Albums, have a feature where you can put your nudes in a locked folder so friends or anyone else who has your phone can’t accidentally access them.

It is illegal to share intimate images of someone either online or offline without their consent and with the intention of causing distress. The Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015 makes this a criminal offence. Although it is illegal, there are gaps in the law which campaigners like myself are trying to remedy. If you are interested in learning more, you can read the Law Commission’s recent proposals for reform of the current law in the UK,here.

Currently there is no legislation which tackles platforms’s roles in facilitating non consensual content. The reality is many survivors of “revenge porn” or image-based sexual abuse do not get justice. Many unfairly end up managing the consequences of the perpetrator’s actions for the rest of their lives.

This is why it is absolutely crucial for you to consider your personal safety as the current system is not without its flaws. We can have fun AND be mindful of our safety.

At the heart of sex positivity is CONSENT and SAFETY!