The orgasm gap is the reality in heterosexual relationships where cisgender men have more orgasms than their cisgender women partners.
According to Durex’s research 20% of men answered that they “always” orgasm during sexual encounters, whereas only 5% of women answered the same.
This isn’t to do with biology, women aren’t less likely to orgasm due to their reproductive organs.
The International Academy of Sex Researchfound that 88% of lesbian women and 66% of bisexual women usually orgasmed when sexually intimate, whilst 65% of heterosexual women answered usually-always. They go to elaborate that of the heterosexual women that orgasm regularly they were more likely to receive oral sex, have longer sex, or do other things to add spice to the experience and communicate what they wanted to their partners.
With that being said it’s clear that the orgasm gap falls directly into the societal misconceptions of what heterosexual sex is all about. Which spoiler alert is more than penetration…
So why does this happen if it’s not in cisgendered Women's DNA?
Despite cisgender women’s bodies having 7 erogenous zones, it has been infiltrated within society to view cisgender women as there for the cisgender men’s pleasure and not their own.
This explains why a common narrative of heterosexual sex tends to be doing a small amount of oral or foreplay (if any) and then going straight into penetration. And the issue with this is that the likelihood of the women in this scenario reaching climax is slim because only 18% of women reported being able to orgasm from penetrative sex alone.
The moral of the story? We need to make more effort in the bedroom, starting with doing more than penetration.
It’s not a race to the big O it’s an experience that should be savoured and enjoyed, and if it leads to penetration or not it can and should still be a gratifying experience. By changing the mindset of what sex is you can open many doors to the fluidity and creativity of sex, explore the experience.
People with vulvas shouldn’t feel pressured to orgasm during sex, sometimes it just ain’t happening and that’s totally normal. Your sex life is about you and your partner/s pleasure so put that as your focus and you’ll have a fulfilling time, orgasm or not.
